The Do's and Don'ts of Parenting Plans

The Do’s and Don’ts of Parenting Plans

 Creating a parenting plan is one of the most important—and emotional—parts of the divorce process when kids are involved. It’s not just about scheduling time; it’s about building a stable, loving structure your children can count on.

As a divorce mediator and coach, I’ve guided many families through this process. The goal? To design a plan that prioritizes your child’s well-being, reflects your real-life routines, and sets the foundation for peaceful co-parenting. One question we use a lot around here is “what will your child say when they are 40 about what it was like to have 2 homes or be the child of divorce?”

Here are the top 5 Do’s and Don’ts to keep in mind when crafting your parenting plan:

1. DO: Put Your Child’s Needs First

Create a schedule and structure that works for your child’s age, personality, and daily routine—not just what’s convenient for you.

DON’T: Use the plan to “win” time or control. It’s not about keeping score—it’s about creating stability for your kids.

2. DO: Be Detailed and Clear

The more specific your plan, the less room there is for conflict or miscommunication. Outline everything from holiday schedules to drop-off logistics.

DON’T: Rely on vague agreements like “we’ll figure it out as we go.” That leaves too much open to interpretation—and future arguments.

3. DO: Build in Flexibility (with Boundaries)

Life happens—sick days, special events, and emergencies. A good plan allows for flexibility while still respecting each parent’s time and boundaries.

DON’T: Expect the other parent to bend at every whim or last-minute change. Respect and communication are key.

4. DO: Include Decision-Making Guidelines

Who makes decisions about health, education, and extracurriculars? Will you consult each other, or divide responsibilities?

DON’T: Assume you’ll just “handle it when it comes up.” Clear roles help avoid confusion—and resentment—down the road.

5. DO: Revisit the Plan as Kids Grow

Your child’s needs at age 5 won’t be the same at 15. Commit to reviewing and updating the plan as life evolves.

DON’T: Treat the parenting plan as set in stone forever. Flexibility over time is essential for everyone’s well-being.

Final Thought:

Your parenting plan is more than just a piece of paper—it’s a roadmap for your child’s sense of safety, routine, and love during a time of change. When done with care, collaboration, and clarity, it can help everyone thrive—not just survive—through divorce and beyond.

Need help creating a parenting plan? Consider joining our Do’s and Don’ts of Divorce membership! WE have lots of videos to watch and a live weekly Q and A coaching session to ask the questions you need answered.

Join the Do’s and Don’ts of Divorce Membership—a supportive space where you’ll get expert emotional guidance, healing tools, and a like-hearted community that gets it.
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