The Do’s and Don’ts of Navigating Holidays and Special Events After Divorce

The Do’s and Don’ts of Navigating Holidays and Special Events After Divorce

Intro Summary:
Holidays, birthdays, graduations ...all those “special moments” can feel especially painful after divorce. Whether you’re missing old traditions, negotiating new schedules, or dealing with awkward family dynamics, these moments can be more stress than celebration. This post offers trauma-informed do’s and don’ts to help you navigate holidays and special events with grace, boundaries, and (yes) even a little peace.

✅ Do’s Do plan ahead and set expectations early.
Don’t wait until the last minute. Communicate with your co-parent, extended family, and kids about where they’ll be and what to expect.

• Do create new traditions-even small ones.
  A morning walk, a favorite meal, matching pajamas. Traditions don’t have to be fancy to feel meaningful and grounding.

• Do acknowledge your feelings.
  You don’t have to pretend you’re fine. Let yourself grieve what’s different while still being open to joy in new forms.

• Do prioritize the kids’ emotional needs over the schedule.
  Sometimes flexibility is more important than fairness. Ask: What will make this holiday feel safe and connected for them?

• Do have a backup plan.
  If you're alone or plans fall through, line up something else: a friend dinner, a volunteer opportunity, or even a quiet self-care day.

❌ Don’ts

• Don’t try to recreate the past.
  Traditions tied to your old life may trigger grief. It’s okay to let them go or adapt them to fit your new reality.

• Don’t use holidays to compete or prove a point.
  Over-the-top gifts or Instagram-perfect moments can mask deeper pain. Focus on connection, not appearances.

• Don’t guilt your kids for missing time with you.
  Even if it hurts, let them enjoy time with the other parent without emotional pressure. You’re modeling maturity and resilience.

• Don’t overextend yourself.
  You don’t have to say yes to every invitation or show up cheerful when you’re not. Protect your energy.

• Don’t forget that this season won’t last forever.
  Holidays change. Life changes. Your first post-divorce holiday is just that ... the first. It won’t always feel this raw.

Closing Thought

Holidays after divorce aren’t about perfection they’re about intention. With a little planning, flexibility, and emotional honesty, these moments can still hold meaning, even if they look different than they used to. You deserve peace, connection, and joy- in whatever form feels real to you.